don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
