We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize