That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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