is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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