i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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