my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
