i was born a porn star she said
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
