i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
