but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
