I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
