i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
