distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
