so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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