dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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