I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
