i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
