My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
