i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
