fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
