ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
