he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize