I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
