Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
