I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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