Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
