Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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