How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
