i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
