I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
