erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
