why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
