im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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