In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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