when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
