Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
