just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
