i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize