All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
