i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
