having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you never un-have a 4some
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
