I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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