yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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