You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
