sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
