you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
