End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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