I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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