it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize