I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
