I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize