I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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