I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
