I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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