and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize