I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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