They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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