2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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