Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
