You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
