You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
