I've blown a few things in my day
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
