fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
