I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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