so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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