When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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