Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
