Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
