i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
