I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
