well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
