do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
