im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize